Change, for the better or worse?

Looking back at days bygone,
Remembering the mistakes of the past,
There came a period when I realized
“It was then that I wasn’t me”.

The change that was,
Was an artificial me.
I acted, I pretended.
I wanted to be someone
Or anyone, who wasn’t me.
It wasn’t that I was ashamed
Of who I was, actually.
But the rebel in me
Wanted to let out,
To live a life I hadn’t seen.
To be out of the protective shell,
To do what was socially –
Unthinkable to be done by me.
And on this way, I let go.
Kept aside the principles of life.
Didn’t see the evil through the mask of good,
While avoiding those
Who had been true to me.

Then there came days of remorse,
Faced by deceit and ridicule.
By those I had befriended.
How could I have gone wrong?
But that’s how it has always been.
All through the years, I have done
The same thing time and again.
Choosing the wrong ones over the right,
Only to realize later that the wrong ones
Could never be a part of my life.

But on the other side,
Experiences can never be mistakes.
This was another learning phase,
Those were the days,
That I had fun in my life -
Like I had never before.
Life then seemed to be different,
Though now I know the difference,
It was a scam, a game that they had played.

It won’t happen again, I hope.
For I cannot bear the pain,
The pain when I see them,
Here and there, but still,
They seem unapproachable.
Though I would love to talk,
Relive the beautiful moments again,
I’m skeptical, for it may lead to
Another phase that I will regret.

I cannot, not be myself, once again.