Unspoken Words…

Lets start by posting what I have already written.

Gosumag 2006 article
“How much to the airport?” “Two hundred rupees”, said the autorickshaw driver, appearing as indifferent as he could, continuing to chew the betel nut in his mouth. Though she knew that this was nothing shot of daylight robbery, and it was quite evident by the disgusted look on her face, Sanjana agreed and started loading her suitcases into the small sized vehicle. Holding an umbrella that barely protected her from the rain, in one hand, somehow she managed to stuff her belongings and squeezed inside with her legs almost dangling outside. Even in this uncomfortable posture, she was only too happy to be heading towards Delhi Airport.

Sanjana was an oncosurgeon in a leading hospital in Mumbai. As a part of her ongoing education, she had to attend a workshop. The last four days in Delhi had been nothing short of a nightmare. Like all bad things, her arrival and departure were marked auspiciously by heavy rains. To add to her woes, she had to live in a dingy room with a creaking fan (at least it worked!), in a place that was so scary that she couldn’t get sleep at night.

All this could have been tolerable, but even the workshop was a mess with their star- trainer out on an emergency sick- leave. Without him being there, there was nothing new for Sanjana to learn. In short, every circumstance in Delhi made Sanjana only too anxious to return home to Mumbai.

The good old warm comfort of her home and the welcoming eyes of Avinash were just four hours away now. Avinash, an oncosurgeon was Sanjana’s husband of three years. It was a typical arranged marriage. Soon after her marriage, Sanjana realized that she had found the perfect man. Avinash, the name itself, mere thought of him brought a smile to her face. Together they had created a magical world, that of love in their house and excellence in the hospital where they worked together.

Now on her way back, in the rickshaw, Sanjana had to battle the tiny water drops that somehow found a way to her. The tiny, miniscule droplets that were so innocent themselves had managed to drench her clothes. Shivering, she got into the airport only to realize that all the flights had been delayed indefinitely due to bad weather. This meant endless hours waiting helplessly without knowing how many more to go.

Once she had checked-in, she found herself a comfortable seat in the waiting- area, which proved to be perfect for sight-seeing. There was a fat man wearing a suit that barely fitted him, and was sleeping with his mouth open. Surely, the poor man hadn’t had lunch and was waiting for a mosquito to be his first bite. In another corner, there was a rather lanky guy wearing bright orange coloured ill- fitting cargos and an orange cap to go with it. Huge earphones adorned his temporal area and a pair of weird sunglasses covered his entire face, apparently protecting him from the obvious glares of those around him. And then there was….

The unkempt hair, the infectious smile, a walk that was so distinct that it stood out in a crowd. But was it really him? It couldn’t. He was in Chennai, as Sanjana had heard from an old friend some years ago. But it still was him. It still was Rohit…

At the other end of the room, Rohit was wondering where he had seen such a beautiful face before. “Should I go and talk to her? No, that would be very silly of me and besides I’m too lazy to get up from my seat right now.”

Then it struck him, it was in medical college. The entire group of friends had gone to the beach for the evening to celebrate a friend’s birthday. While everyone sat in a circle singing random songs, their merry- making was interrupted by a drizzle that made every run for the closest shed. While Rohit joined the bandwagon and was safe in a jiffy, there was a girl who was in no hurry. Slowly, with a spring in her steps, she walked towards them. It was unique in the way that while everyone seemed to run away, this carefree soul enjoyed the moment as it was, without any pretence.

Keeping company to the raindrops a little longer than them, she joined the others in the shed. Rohit stood bewildered, staring at the careless strands of wet hair that played around the angelic face. This majestic face which was now illuminated by the rays of light from the only bulb in the shed seemed to be created to perfection, one which he had sketched so many times on papers and that had been etched forever in his mind. Yet that day he couldn’t muster enough courage to tell her how beautiful she looked.

Today, at the airport, he had seen the same artistry. “Is she looking at me? Is that a smile on her face? Oh! Forget it. I am just imagining things.” And then Rohit realized…it was Sanjana, sitting there, looking just like she had ten years ago. He had seen her last on the graduation day. After that, he completed his studies in Chennai and was now a neurosurgeon there. Years had gone by and being engrossed in his own work, he had lost touch with his old friends. In few months, he was going to get married to Shymala, who now lived in Delhi. He had come to meet her and it had only been ten hours since he proposed to her. Now he was going back home relieved that at least this time he had expressed what he felt.

Sanjana on the other hand had no trouble placing Rohit in her memory lane. Rohit was a colleague, a classmate at medical school. Actually, he was more than just a colleague. At least she thought so and had hoped that he thought the same way.

There were moments that she shared with him that made her laugh and some that brought tears to her eyes. There was a time, just an hour before their first PSM written examination, when Rohit and Sanjana decided that they had tortured their brains enough. While every student seemed to be engrossed in their ‘Park’ as if they were utterly delighted to read such profound material, they set out to terrorize everyone. They hopped around from one nervous freak to another, apparently asking doubts. “Have you read about the WPWS Syndrome or, have you memorized the combined immunization for tetanus. Seniors have told me that it is very ‘IMP’”. This left the poor chaps frantically searching for names that were in some corner of Robbins or Anathnarayan. In an hour their victim toll had reached 65 panicked heads.

What was undefined between Rohit and Sanjana was unsurprising because it was so natural. Both of them instinctively reached out for each others company. In the evenings after classes, they had long discussions in the canteen that eventually turned into disagreements between two opposing teams, but often ended in comfortable compromises. Often a sweat- trickling game of basketball ensued. They took part in debates together. While one convinced the judges with her pleasant and sympathetic manner, that exuded a moral earnestness; the other had the audience enthralled with an array of humourous one- liners and refuted with precise interjections in a persuasive manner.

Sanjana had a smile of admiration in her eyes whenever Rohit spoke. She relished his every casual utterance and often had a flattering comment to add. Those three months went by very fast and before anyone could fathom they both drifted apart. Probably because he had found the company of certain other people to be ‘politically correct’, while she gave her time to people who helped her with her studies that certainly seemed to be lagging behind.

It was only later when she saw his picture in the college magazine and thought about him that she felt that he had tried to tell her something by the way that he lurked around the dissection hall when everybody else had left and she was all alone there still dissecting the remains. By the way he offered to go with her for the movie no one else wanted to see. By the way he seemed to be so concerned about how her exam had been, or what her plans were for the vacations.

Sitting there all alone in the waiting-room with hundreds of people around her she wondered, “Did I not interpret his actions, or I failed to understand the words he hadn’t spoken? Or should I have told him how I felt? Then probably things would have been… well, different. So, I should go talk to him now. But what if he doesn’t remember me? It will destroy all those memories that I have today. I’d rather not… ”

Sanjana kept wondering, as she relived the trivia from the past, the trivia that made memories for today. It brought a smile to her face, a smile, so pure that previously it was brought about by only another name. She kept looking in random directions so that she could catch a glimpse of Rohit, who was now sitting, in deep thought. “Should I introduce myself to her? Maybe, she’ll remember me. But what if she doesn’t know that I ever existed? What if she cannot recollect that one person who has etched her in his memory, who thinks about her everyday for the past ten years? What if…” The questions and apprehensions in his mind went on and on. “But did I just see her glance here.”

Four hours went by. Then came the announcement on Delhi airport that flights had resumed and passengers should proceed towards their respective exit- gates. Sanjana and Rohit got up, both quite hesitant since their gates were on the other side of the room. As they walked down, Sanjana, just like the day at the beach and Rohit, with his gait that Sanjana so distinctly remembered; their paths crossed each other. Both of them realized, as their eyes met for a second, that there was a moment of silence, a moment of acknowledgement. But they kept walking ahead, wishing that the other would turn around and say…something. This time again, no feelings were conveyed, no words were spoken…and both of them kept walking, waiting for the day their paths would cross again.